Obviously it has been a while since my last post, many of you know why that is but for those who may not know or are wondering, let me explain why it is that I have been completely outside myself for the last 2 months. Jan. 15 as I was returning to work from lunch I missed a red light hitting another car and sending myself into a pole at 35 mph. Georgia Lafleure was the driver of the other car and was not wearing her seat belt. She was ejected from her vehicle out her passenger side window. Later that evening She died from her injuries.
I can not describe the hurt or pain I felt as I found out that she had passed away. In a letter to her family I put it as, "drowning in a sea of anguish"...stating that "In that moment my heart did not just ache or even just break, it shattered." You try to live a life of gratitude, of happiness and at time things occur that take from that happiness, but for me this took all the happiness and joy I have acquired in my lifetime and I was paralyzed with emptiness. I craved safety and security and it came to me, one by one in the comfort of my family. First I had my Robbie, then my Mom and Dad, my Big Brothers Jared and Chris, big sis Mindie and little sis Sarah. Family is where I found strength; its where I found even the slightest glimmer of hope.
Then in the days following my accident I found that my family was larger than I had originally seen. Flowers came from Wells Fargo Branches across the valley, my friends at White Elegance, more family members. Dinner was brought in and prayers were spoken from the mouths of total strangers, their well wishes always finding there way back to me. I was pleasantly overwhelmed with the out pore of love and support from so many. I will never uncover the words to express my gratitude, and simply thank all of you for your presence in my darkest hour. I use the word presence intentionally. So many have said to me that they have felt so helpless; they don't know what to do or say to make things better. All I can do is assure you that it is your presence that has pulled me through this far bringing me more comfort then any words you could have spoken.
I still have a long way to go, but I am seeing the amazing details in life. My heart is healing; I can feel the hurt and pain, and in turn recognize the happiness and joy that I thought had left me, but it is in fact being returned to me one piece at a time by each of you and all I can say is Thank You.
Thank you to my incredible Husband who has brought purpose into my life, showing me the importance of our existence alone, loving me unconditionally and committing to an eternity of protecting my soul by carrying my heart. Thank You to my Faithful Mother and Father who without thought brought me back home giving me the piece of comfort I so desperately craved and could not find elsewhere, allowing me to heal through their love and compassion. Thank You to all of my In-Laws for the comforting words, thoughts and prayers and especially my most precious gift, my husband. Thank You to my loyal Siblings (In-Laws Included) whose strength and courage lent to me carried me through such adversity and allowed me to face the fear of a new morning. Thank You to all my Nieces and Nephews whose laughter and smiles saved me from an endless despair. Thank you to all of my extended family, Grandmother's Aunts, Uncles, and Cousins whose examples of facing tragedy and succeeding has given me hope. Thank you to all of my Friends for keeping such a watchful eye on how I feel and not how I should feel. For all the dinners, lunches and insightful conversations; your passion for life is inspirational. Thank you to my Father in Heaven who holds my hand and allows me to experience the tortures of life so I can find the passion of living. Thank You to my Savior for his willingness to walk the halls of my aching heart and still choose to give himself so that I may experience the healing power of the Atonement and realize the worth of my own soul.
Each day gets better. Each day I find more value in life; I feel more passion and Today I recognize the progress of all my Yesterdays.
I love you all and thank you endlessly for your devotion to my well being.
9 comments:
My dearest Becky...
Your words have touched my heart deeply. You are such an amazing soul and I miss your wonderful spirit. I can't even imagine the aching of your heart over the past few months, I've thought about you endlessly. You have such a big, loving heart for people, especially when you know they need it most; you're so incredibly thoughtful. You have such a wonderful ability to make people feel comfortable and your optimism and happiness shines all over your beautiful face.
I miss you terribly and wish so much I could've been there for you more. I think and pray for you everyday. You're an amazing person and I couldn't love you more!
Keep in touch, sweetie. I'm so grateful to have found such an remarkable friend in you!
I love you,
Sandi
Becca
what an amazing person you are! and what a wonderful family you have. I am sorry that I did not know about all of the pain you were going through. My prayers are with you still. you touched my heart with your strength and courage in a bad situation. How nice it is to know that Christ walks with us every step of the way in this life and provides angels a long the way as well. Keep smiling time heals all wounds. love you becca!
Trystal
bec! i am so sorry to hear about this. i am sad that i didn't know sooner. you are so strong and so amazing. you have given me so much hope and streghth through your words. you are in our prayers! love ya! miss ya!
Ashleigh Garner
What a touching post. It was a priviledge to see you progress, and sometimes take a few steps back, in your healing process. My kids enjoy being around you and Rob and I know that Sage benefitted and you were able to help her with her rough times, when no one else could. We love you!
Becky,
We love you so much. I can't even find the words to describe how much your family loves you. You are so strong and I am very grateful to have a sister who is so kind and caring to everyone she meets. Even through this hard time in your life you are still putting others before yourself. You are so special and I know with time, support,and your heavenly father your heart will fully heal. I have already seen the steps you have taken to not only heal your own heart but the hearts of the others who were involved. You are so amazingly beautiful inside and out we love you so much.
Dearest Becky..
I know you don't know me very well being the cousin-in-law to Rob. I wanted you to know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. Time will heal your heart. My sister went through a similar experience several years ago, sliding across an icy freeway into an oncoming car. Slid sideways and killed the women in the back seat. She was devastated. Through the power of the atonement and prayers/support from family members, she has found a way to move on. You will too! Take care of yourself and know you are loved by many including me.
~Denise Shattuck
Bec,
Thank you for this post. It's so great to hear that you are healing. I know we have not reached out to you the we should have ( we just felt you needed time and space to heal) but we want you to know you have been in our prayers! When I get Rylee to bed every night, I always remind her to keep you in her little prayers. You are not alone and we love you so much! You are such an example to everyone!
Lynch's
Becky,
It has been some time since I have been in contact with you and your family. I just found out what you have been going through from your Mother. I want to tell you that my heart goes out to you. The anguish and devastation that you have experienced is truly a window into who you are and what you are made up of. There are those who care so deeply about others as you do....and there are those who don't. So many who know you can see your goodness and are touched by your sweet and caring ways. You have a good soul....all of us who know you can see it in the way you concern yourself for others and your ability to be aware of the feelings and needs of all those you come in contact with. I hope you are able to see these things in yourself.
Continue to take care of yourself Sweetie......healing is a process that requires time to get in touch with that deep most inner part of who we really are. You may be surprised what you will discover in that place....as you may well already know.
Hang in there Becky....
Kevin
Becky,
I do not know how I am just barely seeing this post. What a touching post. It is such a blessing to have such a great family that can be there for you in these hard times. We love you and think of you often. I know this is delayed, but please let us know if there is anything that we can do for you. I hope that we will get to see you at Moon lake this year!
I also love your post about Maui. That is my favorite island as well. It sounds like you had a well deserved vacation!
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