Tuesday, September 1, 2009


So I am a little behind at posting these pics and there are several so this first round is just all of us hanging out and messing around. I will post skiing and wakebordaing pics in a few days. We had a blast this year and met some really cool people...namely Abby(Brenda's Niece) Anne (Richards pretend girlfriend)and April(Moes Hilarious Friend)...funny they all start with A's...I will try to keep you posted through the captions. Welcome to our tour!

Saturday, August 1, 2009


Emily and I came across an essay contest that we thought would be interesting to enter. The rules were it could be no longer than 1000 words and you had to use 8 words chosen for you from a chapter in "Twilight." Now don't be confused the essay did not have to be about "Twilight" it could be written about anything, but we did use a common theme of a love you've found and will never have..
I don’t find much peace here in this asylum…in fact I live my life day to day with expectations of nothing more than what I had experienced yesterday, never predicting the circumstance of tomorrow. Trouble is I saw her today. I have seen her a hundred times; she is the one I close my eyes at night to hold, to feel, to experience. Even as I look at her now I find the definition of my very being; her perfection forever omnipresent within the very visions that I hope will forever repeat inside my mind. Why then do I have to find her now within this realm of reality? Why would she not see me in the light of day and recognize me as she does in the night of my mind. Confusion confines me within the walls of time and misery has now become my only friend. How can I go back to the emptiness of knowing that existing without living is not Noble; searching for reason is not meaning, its not truth. I am falling to pieces, my sanity must be collecting crazy with these erratic thoughts I have named love.
I call her a thousand times, screaming and shouting through watchful eyes of desperation. And in some moments around the flicker of the flame she hears me and returns the gaze, and my life, is explained. My heart is no longer without understanding, somehow without words or complications all is simply together for now, and then with another flicker of the flame...I lose her and I wonder if they are right. Is this angel of dream real or is my insane infatuation with a being in which I have only seen within the darkness of thought an illusion? It's necessary for me to know if I am walking in the path of awareness or still sleeping in a state of brilliance. I need the explanation because my heart is once again being guided by confusion. I saw her; I know I did, trying to convince others is a mute explanation, I realize that, but I need her. I want her. If for nothing else because I know I can protect her, and she would never have to fear the silence or even the height of fear itself because I would be there to guide her, suffer for her, die for her.
Again the flame flickers and as I watch the very design of perfection saunter away from me I am paralyzed, but the torture I endure now is worth the simple knowledge of her existence. My own life would be inconsequential if I could not wake to a morning where I knew somewhere there was someone named her. And on the morning I shall awake and she has ceased within my world of existence I will know, for in that very moment of enlightenment my heart will forever discontinue its beat and I will shall be exiled to the very depths of hell; still my every thought of her.
Although the thoughts of "make believe" are detested within the definitions of my mind, because that's what they keep telling me this is "make believe", all I can do is pretend that the truthful delusion I have of carrying her heart forever is still possible. All I keep is the hope that I can shut my eyes and slip into the madness of my mind where she will be waiting for me and she will crave my touch and whisper in my ear the insanities of her feelings; cry to me her emotions of the nonexistent and confesses that her only desire is of me, and it is with her words only that I will find I am no longer hollow, no longer undone; I am esthetically whole. And it is here with in the minutes of time that ruin me I realize that the early morning rays will come and take her from me.
Whether this is a trick to my heart or a routine for my conscience I will continue because I never had a choice in loving her and it would end my life to give in and listen as my own lips confess what they want to hear. I can not deny what I know is etched within the very walls of my heart. I was not searching for this love of mine; she simply entered my unconscious one night and then began living in the very light of day I exist in. I have been caught, entrapped, and auctioned to a heart that I hope I one day find the other half to. Until then I serenade the thoughts of her that control my emotions and encourage me to fight all questions of doubt that may challenge my dreams.
I am not crazy. I hear their voices...I hear their footsteps coming and any electricity they threaten me with will never match the shock her face puts on me. So as they come I have learned to be submissively committed in this asylum and have become the act of an era in silencing my voice of argument for I know what will happen if I don't. I have experienced the charge, and have come to learn that if I take what is in their cup, if I swallow what their hand extends to me I can find the fix I need of seeing her as I once again chase her into the night capturing the permanence her casting shadow has on me as it enters and exits my soul within the white walls of my padded room

Thursday, July 9, 2009

My Everything

Everything about me is directly influenced by those in this photo and I want to give at least one reason why each of these people have made me a better person

Jeremy- Gives me confidence and strength in myself to withstand what I may have originally ran from. He turns me around and makes me stand directly in the path of Doubt
Bridget- Gives me the hope of a better day. She has taught me through example what it means to be a strong woman and what it takes to overcome heartache and care for a family
Megan- Brings to me inspiration to see the world in a light brighter than it was yesterday. To find creativity within the walls of my everyday and share it with those i will meet tomorrow
Trevor-Brings comfort and peace to my heart by showing me his love for someone that I never thought could be loved by someone more than me, and giving to her a sweetness we call Anna

Jared- Gives to me protection from the howls of a hollow heart and has healed my wounds that could only have been mended by the love a big brother
Chris- Brings to me trust and understanding in another being by always listening through a non-judgmental heart and knowing how to gently ease the mind of a little sister searching for acceptance
Mindie- Bring happiness and laughter through the hilarity of a comedic big sister and admiration through example of much desired sense of humor
Sarah- Gives me friendship through the patience of an often very well tested little sister; dedication taken in by proud and watchful eyes who never see anything less than the gift of compassion

DaddY- gives me appreciation of life and the drive and motivation to be successful at it so I might see that often sought after and doting smile
Mom- gives me the challenge of striving to become a better individual in every way to just one day match the brilliance of a woman so admired by the world, and does this all while bringing the comfort and calming only my mom can give

Robbie- Gives to me reason to exist through living and standing up against all odds. He provides for me a way to view life as eternal and to feel love as an undefinable emotion only to be understood between Best Friends predestined to share the experiences and challenges life brings. He has brought to me the factual meaning of Love and bound me to him forever simply by recognizing the entity of my soul.

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Golf With My Best Friend

Robbie and I love the game of golf and playing in Hawaii was something not every couple gets to experience, and having a husband who is as patient as mine, is, well, less common then my slice....
Hit Em Long and Straight!

Friday, May 29, 2009

Recently Rob and I spent some much needed time together in Hawaii on our favorite island of Maui. One of the best parts of Hawaii are its sunsets. The scene of a sunset stands as a witness to the brilliance and capabilty of our creator. One of the coolest things I have expierenced was the passion and dedication of the many locals, who as if awaiting a performance, gather on the beaches to watch the setting of the nightly sun. Their love and respect for the traditions of nature was quite inspiring and brought to me the realization that life is meant to be lived in a state of awareness. The privledge of seeing that sunset every evening was a moving moment in which the time of day ends and the hope of a new morning awaits us. Simple things in life are meant to be enjoyed and loved. What are you passionate about? What makes your days worth experiencing until you can make it to the next setting of his faithful son?

Monday, March 16, 2009

Thank You

Obviously it has been a while since my last post, many of you know why that is but for those who may not know or are wondering, let me explain why it is that I have been completely outside myself for the last 2 months. Jan. 15 as I was returning to work from lunch I missed a red light hitting another car and sending myself into a pole at 35 mph. Georgia Lafleure was the driver of the other car and was not wearing her seat belt. She was ejected from her vehicle out her passenger side window. Later that evening She died from her injuries.
I can not describe the hurt or pain I felt as I found out that she had passed away. In a letter to her family I put it as, "drowning in a sea of anguish"...stating that "In that moment my heart did not just ache or even just break, it shattered." You try to live a life of gratitude, of happiness and at time things occur that take from that happiness, but for me this took all the happiness and joy I have acquired in my lifetime and I was paralyzed with emptiness. I craved safety and security and it came to me, one by one in the comfort of my family. First I had my Robbie, then my Mom and Dad, my Big Brothers Jared and Chris, big sis Mindie and little sis Sarah. Family is where I found strength; its where I found even the slightest glimmer of hope.
Then in the days following my accident I found that my family was larger than I had originally seen. Flowers came from Wells Fargo Branches across the valley, my friends at White Elegance, more family members. Dinner was brought in and prayers were spoken from the mouths of total strangers, their well wishes always finding there way back to me. I was pleasantly overwhelmed with the out pore of love and support from so many. I will never uncover the words to express my gratitude, and simply thank all of you for your presence in my darkest hour. I use the word presence intentionally. So many have said to me that they have felt so helpless; they don't know what to do or say to make things better. All I can do is assure you that it is your presence that has pulled me through this far bringing me more comfort then any words you could have spoken.
I still have a long way to go, but I am seeing the amazing details in life. My heart is healing; I can feel the hurt and pain, and in turn recognize the happiness and joy that I thought had left me, but it is in fact being returned to me one piece at a time by each of you and all I can say is Thank You.
Thank you to my incredible Husband who has brought purpose into my life, showing me the importance of our existence alone, loving me unconditionally and committing to an eternity of protecting my soul by carrying my heart. Thank You to my Faithful Mother and Father who without thought brought me back home giving me the piece of comfort I so desperately craved and could not find elsewhere, allowing me to heal through their love and compassion. Thank You to all of my In-Laws for the comforting words, thoughts and prayers and especially my most precious gift, my husband. Thank You to my loyal Siblings (In-Laws Included) whose strength and courage lent to me carried me through such adversity and allowed me to face the fear of a new morning. Thank You to all my Nieces and Nephews whose laughter and smiles saved me from an endless despair. Thank you to all of my extended family, Grandmother's Aunts, Uncles, and Cousins whose examples of facing tragedy and succeeding has given me hope. Thank you to all of my Friends for keeping such a watchful eye on how I feel and not how I should feel. For all the dinners, lunches and insightful conversations; your passion for life is inspirational. Thank you to my Father in Heaven who holds my hand and allows me to experience the tortures of life so I can find the passion of living. Thank You to my Savior for his willingness to walk the halls of my aching heart and still choose to give himself so that I may experience the healing power of the Atonement and realize the worth of my own soul.
Each day gets better. Each day I find more value in life; I feel more passion and Today I recognize the progress of all my Yesterdays.
I love you all and thank you endlessly for your devotion to my well being.

Sunday, December 28, 2008


Christmas was so much fun this year!!! Rob and I decided we would get one big present this year rather than a lot of little things so we decided on a TV. It hasn't arrived yet but we are looking forward to watching many fight nights on it, then Rob surprised me with beautiful pearls, a 6 foot strand and some earrings, I love them!!! Melissa and Richard slept over night Christmas Eve, and then we all went over to John and Brenda's for Christmas breakfast which was delicious, but the real treat was that Becky Bagley was there. She has been away at Boot Camp since October, and they gave her a few days to come home, so we were all excited to see her. Dena came down in the afternoon and made all the rounds with us to see Ann, and Grandparents. We love having her so close and are so grateful we get to spend any holiday with her.
Christmas Night was spent at my moms, we made it through our bawling session and then had a magnificent Christmas Feast! For those of you who are not familiar with our families tradition let me share. Every year you will find a name under your plate, when its your turn you get to gush about the other person and state why you love them and what makes them so special, it always ends up that we are all crying by the end of it.
Joshie got a storm Troopers Helmet from Santa so there are some fun pictures of that as well. We hope you all had a Very Merry Christmas and Wish you the best in 2009!