Obviously it has been a while since my last post, many of you know why that is but for those who may not know or are wondering, let me explain why it is that I have been completely outside myself for the last 2 months. Jan. 15 as I was returning to work from lunch I missed a red light hitting another car and sending myself into a pole at 35 mph. Georgia Lafleure was the driver of the other car and was not wearing her seat belt. She was ejected from her vehicle out her passenger side window. Later that evening She died from her injuries.
I can not describe the hurt or pain I felt as I found out that she had passed away. In a letter to her family I put it as, "drowning in a sea of anguish"...stating that "In that moment my heart did not just ache or even just break, it shattered." You try to live a life of gratitude, of happiness and at time things occur that take from that happiness, but for me this took all the happiness and joy I have acquired in my lifetime and I was paralyzed with emptiness. I craved safety and security and it came to me, one by one in the comfort of my family. First I had my Robbie, then my Mom and Dad, my Big Brothers Jared and Chris, big sis Mindie and little sis Sarah. Family is where I found strength; its where I found even the slightest glimmer of hope.
Then in the days following my accident I found that my family was larger than I had originally seen. Flowers came from Wells Fargo Branches across the valley, my friends at White Elegance, more family members. Dinner was brought in and prayers were spoken from the mouths of total strangers, their well wishes always finding there way back to me. I was pleasantly overwhelmed with the out pore of love and support from so many. I will never uncover the words to express my gratitude, and simply thank all of you for your presence in my darkest hour. I use the word presence intentionally. So many have said to me that they have felt so helpless; they don't know what to do or say to make things better. All I can do is assure you that it is your presence that has pulled me through this far bringing me more comfort then any words you could have spoken.
I still have a long way to go, but I am seeing the amazing details in life. My heart is healing; I can feel the hurt and pain, and in turn recognize the happiness and joy that I thought had left me, but it is in fact being returned to me one piece at a time by each of you and all I can say is Thank You.
Thank you to my incredible Husband who has brought purpose into my life, showing me the importance of our existence alone, loving me unconditionally and committing to an eternity of protecting my soul by carrying my heart. Thank You to my Faithful Mother and Father who without thought brought me back home giving me the piece of comfort I so desperately craved and could not find elsewhere, allowing me to heal through their love and compassion. Thank You to all of my In-Laws for the comforting words, thoughts and prayers and especially my most precious gift, my husband. Thank You to my loyal Siblings (In-Laws Included) whose strength and courage lent to me carried me through such adversity and allowed me to face the fear of a new morning. Thank You to all my Nieces and Nephews whose laughter and smiles saved me from an endless despair. Thank you to all of my extended family, Grandmother's Aunts, Uncles, and Cousins whose examples of facing tragedy and succeeding has given me hope. Thank you to all of my Friends for keeping such a watchful eye on how I feel and not how I should feel. For all the dinners, lunches and insightful conversations; your passion for life is inspirational. Thank you to my Father in Heaven who holds my hand and allows me to experience the tortures of life so I can find the passion of living. Thank You to my Savior for his willingness to walk the halls of my aching heart and still choose to give himself so that I may experience the healing power of the Atonement and realize the worth of my own soul.
Each day gets better. Each day I find more value in life; I feel more passion and Today I recognize the progress of all my Yesterdays.
I love you all and thank you endlessly for your devotion to my well being.
